When Pride is overshadowed by shame

What if pride doesn't feel natural to you at all? What if you still struggle every day with your sexuality, with the fear of being truly visible, or with parts of yourself you would rather push away, minimize, or reject?

How insecurity and shame influence your life
If you believe deep down that you are not good enough as you are, it affects almost every aspect of your life. Shame and insecurity color not only how you feel, but also how you think, choose, and act.

For example in:
- how safe you feel in your own body;
- how much space you take to show yourself;
- which choices and risks you dare to make in your personal and professional life;
- how clearly you indicate your boundaries and needs within relationships; and
- how much fun and freedom you allow yourself.

In this way, you can be tossed back and forth between fear and desire. You long for connection, but withdraw as soon as someone gets close. You have dreams and ambitions, but postpone them out of fear of rejection, judgment, or misunderstanding. Or you long for love, but believe deep down that it is not meant for you. What you want most thus drifts further and further out of sight — undermined by the conviction that you are not worthy.

The influence of self-rejection on your thoughts and body
The stories you tell yourself all day long have a significant influence on how you feel — and therefore on the choices you make. Negative beliefs often arise from experiences of rejection, shame, or insecurity, in which you learned that your feelings, desires, or identity were not fully allowed to exist. These beliefs operate not only in your head but also in your body.

I invite you to participate in a small experiment 
Sit down quietly and take a moment to think of a pleasant place, a nice memory, or a person with whom you feel safe and at ease. Take in that image and notice what happens in your body while you think about it. Perhaps you feel relaxation, pleasure, or energy.

Now think of a moment when you felt you were falling short. Not necessarily something big, but a situation where you thought you were not quite meeting someone else's expectations. What do you notice in your body now? You might experience tension in your shoulders, unease in your stomach, or heaviness in your legs. And perhaps nothing changes. That, too, is meaningful information.

Your body responds to what you believe: to rejection, but also to recognition. You do not have to seek that recognition only outside yourself; you can also recall it within yourself. An image, a memory, or a metaphor can become an inner resource that helps you find strength, peace, and maybe even pride within yourself.

Self-acceptance as an inner process
For many people, it is easier to see what is wrong than to reflect on what is already good. Especially if you grew up with explicit or implicit messages that your identity, feelings, or desires were essentially not allowed to exist. Insecurity can then become deeply embedded in your nervous system. You start to adapt, hold back, or constantly scan for rejection. That is precisely why self-acceptance is not a superficial positive thought, but an inner process that requires time, attention, and gentleness.

I hope that during Pride you feel that you are not alone. There are many courageous people who know what it is like to be different, how daunting it can be to come out, and how important it is that we are and remain visible. And even if pride still feels far away to you right now: know that every day you may embrace who you are and where you have come from.