Why I work body-oriented in all my sessions

The men in my practice usually approach me because they want to change something, but don't know where to begin. They long for a long-term relationship, but are repeatedly rejected after the first date. They feel like they're never good enough, causing them to become increasingly cautious or to push themselves beyond their limits. Or they have a sexual need, but because of shame it remains a fantasy.

In an initial meeting, we'll explore what's going on, what you hope will have changed after a few months, and why you want to work on this now. By clarifying this, we'll know what we're working on together and can determine along the way whether we're on the right track. Each process is tailor-made and by analyzing the current and desired situation, I can customize my approach to what you want to achieve.

In our conversations, I focus on what's going on between you and me. Because what's happening in the here and now often holds part of the solution. When John talks about his sexual fantasies, he unconsciously holds his breath. His hands grip the back of his chair tightly. When I point this out to him, he's able to relax a bit. Matthijs is irritated by his partner's habit to take over. In our conversations, I notice that he's constantly seeking my confirmation. Instead of giving in, I invite him to form his own opinion, which creates more firmness. Peter shares one example after another, trying to convince me he's right. Rather than judging the behavior of others, I invite him to examine what he wants to achieve and whether his behavior contributes to that.

Many gay men have experienced similar events. Coming out, being bullied at school, but also alcohol, drug, or sex addiction and sexually inappropriate behavior. Profound experiences that become stuck in your body. For example, because you unconsciously ignore your feelings and emotions, causing you to no longer recognize your own boundaries and needs or approach everything rationally. Or you are afraid of being rejected, you avoid conflict and you have difficulty relaxing.

Over the years, I've noticed that my clients achieve the best results when we don't just talk about the situation but also engage in body-oriented exercises. These include breathing techniques, muscle relaxation exercises, and ways to regulate emotions. This helps you become aware of what's happening in your body, for example, when you express your shame or feelings of inadequacy. You'll sense how discomfort arises when you set your boundaries earlier, and how things can calm down again if you can stay there. By engaging your body, you learn to listen more effectively to your own body. You will better recognize what your body needs and how you can respond to this through your behavior, so that long-lasting change can take place.